You’re Welcome

...and replies to other requests I might have by saying,
"My pleasure," and not the ubiquitous and hostile
service-industry rejoinder, "No problem."
                                             Guy Trebay, New York Times

Among the trends in today's vernacular American English is the substitution of various phrases for the polite and genteel “you’re welcome.”   I was always taught that “you’re welcome” follows and compliments a “thank you.”   It is an assuring phrase that lets the other speaker know that his “thank you” has been graciously accepted.    

Today, frequently in social situations or on television after a speaker is thanked, he responds—not with “you’re welcome”—but with “no problem” or the aggressively annoying “you bet!” (most commonly heard in the western states—I bet what?) or even, often uneasily, with  another “thank you.”  When the check-out person, waiter, or bank teller, says “no problem” to my “thank you,” I’m confused.  It better not be a problem, I think, especially if I am going to tip you 15 percent or come back into this place again.  "No problem" has a superior ring to it.   Sort of like announcing, "Hey, I'm doing you a favor. But don't worry, it's not a problem."  And do I really need to thank someone back who has just said “thank you” to me?   No, I don’t.  ”You're welcome," on the other hand, distinguishes the server from the served by acknowledging, "It was my pleasure to serve to you…or do you a favor."    You are welcome to the kindness or the service that I offer.

The French have the neutral “de rien,” the Spanish “da nada”—it’s nothing.   I prefer the Italian “prego,” a hospitable “you’re welcome.”  I am not so sure about the “bukeqi” (“don’t be polite”) that the Chinese always scream back to you immediately after you say “xie xie” (thank you) (Can’t I be polite if I want to?).    The upper class British “not at all” is a little too much, as is “don’t mention it” and “don’t worry about it” (I’m not worrying about it, I am just thanking you, I think).  The French “avec plaisir” and our “with pleasure” or “my pleasure” are nice but probably not always spoken in truth.   I can live with the friendly Australian “no worries, mate,” which is universal down under.  But there is something about responding to a “thank you” with a nice “you’re welcome”—politeness without condescension--something these other phrases just don’t have.